Soap is not a condiment
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
