??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I only lived at night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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