i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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