If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
