Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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