I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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