i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
