Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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