He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
