In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
