Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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