Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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