im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
