Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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