i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
