u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
3 2 1 whiskey
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
