I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
