I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
