whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
