How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
