so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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