you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
