I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All the doctor said was why
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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