My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
