Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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