well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
