Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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