he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
