I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
