apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sober January is a disaster.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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