I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
