Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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