I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
