this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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