if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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