It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
