That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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