So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
