Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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