dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
