If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
