Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
