I hate all girls vehemently.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
