Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
