Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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