You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
