Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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