why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
