Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
