Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't deserve a penis
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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