People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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