yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
