Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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